Letter TO The Other Woman
72This letter is in response to a Letter FROM the Other Woman. Please read it first before reading this one.
Dear "Other Woman"
In response to your recent letter, I must say I feel sorrier for you than for me. I was not the one who had been cheated out of the joys of life. It was you! You admitted my husband never took you any place but kept you behind closed doors away from the world. How sad!
After reading your letter, I was angry and bitter and wanted revenge. The bitterness came from the hurt, the vengeance came from the anger. My husband and I have always been able to communicate, but after your affair we have been communicating even more. We have come to realize that we are the lucky ones because this has made our marriage stronger. We had two choices. We could either let it destroy us or let it bring us closer together. I am happy to inform you that it was the latter. I have forgiven him , but this by no means indicates that I condoned his (or your) behavior. I realize what he did was morally wrong, but I admire him for finding the inner strength to break the addiction from your charade of a relationship.
Your affair probably started when he gave you the old age line of "not being satisfied at home." Your affair developed because you were trying to win his love and attention despite the fact that he is married. Didn't it bother you to be number two? Didn't you feel that you were the one who was deprived of the fulfillment of a real relationship? You must have put your life on hold for the last three years, waiting for him to call or to see you. You probably had to alter your daily activities to be available for him on the spur of the moment when he had a block of time.
The loser is definitely "the other woman." You are the one bruised by the affair. The married man usually doesn't divorce his wife for "the other woman." And in the event he does get a divorce, it is not "the other woman" he chooses for his second wife. So you would have lost even if he hadn't come back to me.
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I am sure you are on an emotional roller coaster that has left you depressed and retarded your life. You settled for less for so long. I hope you can pick up the pieces and get on with your life. The three years you spent with my husband can never be recaptured. Perhaps if you had been spending time with someone of your own, you would be married yourself by now. Since that was not the case, I truly hope you will not repeat the pattern of having another affair with another woman's husband.
Because of my husband's infidelity, we are working hard at our marriage. We have to get on with our tomorrows and not look back on the yesterdays of the last three years. I have learned a lot from this ordeal. Because my husband had an affair with you does not indicate that he is not a good husband to me or a good father to our five minor children. The affair has not jeopardized our marriage. Instead, it has enhanced a union that will continue to exist. So do not, for a moment think you are a home wrecker. You did not wreck our home. My husband found himself in time. He has promised to put forth an extra effort to make our marriage work. And I believe him.
Perhaps you have learned several things from this ordeal. The most important lesson you should have learned is that no matter how exciting an affair with a married man is, or how perfect the relationship seems be be . . . it rarely lasts!
Sincerely,
A Forgiving Wife
P.S. Don't hold your breath waiting for me to let my husband go. I meant my marriage vows when I said them!
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Dave: Forgiveness is the key to our happiness. The Bible commands it. To forgive is to honor God and to free ourselves to really trust Him like you said. Thanks for reading and responding this Saturday morning.
This is a wise woman who is looking forward to the future and letting the past go. Truly a Proverbs 31 Woman.
Brenda, thanks for reading and responding. Yes, truly this woman is wise enough to save her marriage.
not sure what to think...I would like to hear the letter he writes to his wife and the other woman.
The husband is the real perpetrator in most of this yet he seems so far removed with the dialogue being between the two women. I think he should be writing some serious letters of his own and he should be the one ending the relationship. It wouldn't mean much to me as a wife that the relationship ended because of the dissatisfaction and guilt of the other woman.
Temptation will always be around what is most important to me is knowing where the heart of my husband is. He would be the one having to explain things not the other woman she would be irrelevant to me for the most part.
The dynamics of affairs are riddled with self deceptive excuses born from fleshly desire.
thought provoking read
Tamarajo, you gave some interesting comments about this. I wrote a total of four letters: one from the other woman, one to the other woman, one to the ex-husband and one from the ex-husband. However, I did not make the ex's the same people as in the other woman scenarios. I enjoyed writing these. They have been my fastest growing articles yet.
Out of interest, are these letters based on your own experience, or are they hypothetical in nature. I found all of them riveting, but would like to know if they are your own story.
mistyhorizon2003, the letters are fictional. They are riveting. I wanted to paint a picture of what could happen in situations like that.
Thanks for reading and responding.
Thank you for responding. Your words are very true then, and I am guessing many women will identify with them. I hope many unfaithful men read your words too, and they might think twice about what they are doing, or how they are affecting their real families, (and the women they are being unfaithful with).
I give you props on telling that woman off. Way to go=] So is everything working out fine now?
MegaFox5, that was a fictional piece. Thanks for thinking it was real. That means I painted a very vivid picture.
Well at first, I did think it was real. I had no idea that it was fake. My bad. I still enjoyed reading.
I was about to ask if this is a real experience, good thing I read first. anger of hatred must be something temporary...I know it won't be easy but holding grudges is not even healthy, lucky are those who easily subsides after a great hatred...
No it's not. When my boyfriend told me he cheated on me, it took me 5 months to forgive him. I'm still hurt and crushed by what he did but he was balling his eyes out the night he told me. So I know he wasn't faking and he impressed me because I found out from him and not someone else. Holding grudges is a bad thing; I found that out the hard way. Holding on 5 month grudge nearly almost ruined my relationship with the sweetest guy I've ever met.
It is the hardest thing to do-forgive. But it is the most rewarding. It has been said that the only person you hurt by holding a grudge is yourself because usually the person you are mad with, has no idea. So I have had first hand knowledge of this situation-I'm not going to say if I was the "other woman" or "the wife". All I know is that communication is the key to any and every conflict. Really listen to your spouses words when they are talking.
Great stories!
Two interesting letters. I think in reality either woman would take a lot of pondering, prayer, soul searching, and time to get to an elevated plane like this, where she had worked through the anger, grief, depression, and despair that infidelity brings. I especially liked it that you mentioned his addiction - often extramarital affairs are about sex addiction, not the relationship.
MarittaC, thanks a lot for your comment.
Following the trail... I had a hard time when I was the wife speaking to "the other woman"... I gave him a chance for redemption... and she said when she "found out" he was a married man, she'd stay away from him... he found the intestinal fortitude to stay away from her for 8 days... that's all our family was worth. At that point I felt homicidal... I lol @ it now... but I was a mess with anger and bitterness...
mariefontaine, thanks for sharing!
Those letters are incredible. Just wish that people who cheat on the spouses could have such courage. If it exists, its rare. Cheaters are cheaters no matter what they base the affair on. I myself found out from the other mans wife that my angel was having an affair with him. She found out because my wife told her. It was not out of courage she did this, but out of hate that his wife knew and was going to break up the affair. her affair was over 4 years. I found out just 9 months ago. I still have not forgiven her nor do I know if I can. That will have to be an issue for time and my LORD to help me with. Again I enjoyed those letters. Fine work.
David, thanks for your comment.
how a about the ole... cheaper to keep her?
Dear TOW
In response to your letter, I must admit I was surprised to receive it. I thought everything in my marriage was great because it was going my way. I didn’t think my husband was unsatisfied because I merely brushed of his remarks when showing concerns about the lack of intimacy in our marriage as him having a bad day or a moment. When I told him to go over it I thought he would laugh it off as I did, I had important things to do such as my face book status need updating, I never thought in a million years my behaviour was causing him pain.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention I will have a heart to heart with my husband I will see where I went wrong try and mend this if not I will let him go and find the happiness he deserves.
Wow three years, that is a long time, so I must concede it was more to do with sex a strong bond and attachment must have formed between the two of you this is going to be hard to work through as I’m sure he loved you otherwise it would not have lasted that long.
I would also appreciate it WHEN my husband contacts you again because he misses you to inform me so I can then pack my bags and leave for I know this situation will not change.
Thank you for informing me as I know he never would I will try not to wallow in self pity for to long and play the victim, however all the attention from family and friends is something to be enjoyed I must really get down to business and try to save my marriage.
I will endeavour to spend much quality time with my husband listen to his needs, seek medical advise or professional help if my libido is low, check computer records to make sure this is not an ongoing thing with other women if so I know it isn’t about me or other women but about him and his personality. I know it takes two people for a marriage to breakdown just as much as it takes two too make it work, I will play my part in making it work.
Thank you
Form the wife who knows it’s not always about TOW.
airam, thanks for your comment.
Tricky 63, thanks for such a long response.
Wow, I read both letters. Very powerful stuff. I think it gives an excellent viewpoint of both sides. Both sides suffered and I think both sides deserve redemption. Thank you for sharing the letters with everyone and releasing such raw emotion.
Carrie, thanks for your comment about this very delicate subject.
Dave Mathews Level 7 Commenter 15 months ago
When we learn to practice forgiveness and place our trust in God, out of the ashes of possible ruin the greatest of treasures can be discovered in the rubble.
God has a special way of sifting through ruin to find the very best.